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I was astonished, for example, when a friend told me that he was offering to care for his younger brother and sister so that his father could take a vacation for his birthday—this was a gift to him. For us, this would be considered duty rather than a gift. Even between friends' gestures of this sort might be considered 'gifts' here.

While many students do call their professors, 'Professor' so and so or 'Dr.', so and so, some professors prefer to be called familiarly by their first names. And in the spirit of informality, many professors may invite students to their homes or can be seen chatting with students over a meal or a cup of coffee in the school cafeteria. A good number of instructors even request that students fill out Class evaluation forms which assess the content and presentation of the course.

My roommate was very sociable and had many boyfriends who came to visit often very late. One night, after midnight, I had to stay in the bathroom for an extra 40 minutes because I had heard a man's voice in my room. My roommate did not realize how awkward I would feel meeting a man while I was in my nightgown. You see, American students tend to be much more casual about these matters.

On many occasions, for instance, close friends or sometimes even casual acquaintances embrace or kiss each other on the cheeks in greeting or bidding farewell. It may even happen that where couples are close friends, the two husbands will kiss the other man's wife!

In the United States, for example, if a student wants to invite his teacher to a dinner party, the invitation should be sent a week or so before the party date. If the invitation is extended only three or four days before the party date, the teacher will feel he is not highly regarded.

For example, many American students seem to like to listen to popular and sometimes loud music while studying in their rooms. Sometimes they will even leave the music on when they leave the room. For Some reason, many will tell you, music helps them to relax and concentrate, an idea which other foreign students and I found very strange and disturbing. We'd like to study quietly without any disturbance.

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They call at inopportune times. They say stupid things. They butt in, they boss you around, they embarrass you in public. They invite themselves over. They take advantage. You've done the best you can, but they need professional help. On top of all this, they love you to death and are convinced they're your best friends on the planet.

They call you up, they listen to your complaints, they celebrate your successes and curse your misfortunes, and you do the same for them in return. They hold out through innumerable crises before concluding that the person you're dating is no good, and even then understand if you ignore their good counsel. They accompany you to a movie with subtitles or to see the diving pig at Aquarena Springs. They feed your cat when you are out of town and pick you up from the air port when you get back.

While so many family relationships are tinged with guilt and obligation, a relationship with a Relative Friend is relatively worry-free. You don't even have to hide your vices from this delightful person. When you slip out Aunt Joan's back door for a cigarette, she is already there.

Your friendship is cemented by jokes about coworkers and thoughtful favors around the office. Did you see Ryan's hair? 'Want half of my bread.' Soon you know the names of his turtles, what he did last Friday night, exactly which model CD player he wants for his birthday. His hand writing is as familiar to you as your own.

But what was it that drove you apart? A misunderstanding, a betrayed confidence, an un-repaid loan, an ill-conceived flirtation. A poor choice of spouse can do in a friendship just like that. Going into business together can be a serious mistake. Time, money, distance, religions: all noted friendship killers. You quit doing drugs, you're not such good friends with your dealer anymore.

Without them, you would never get any mail addressed in handwriting. A Faraway Friend calls late at night, invites you to her wedding, always says she is coming to visit but rarely shows up. An actual visit from a Faraway Friend is a cause for celebration and parties of all kinds. Cigarettes, Ch

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